Folly for Prez

February 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm (Uncategorized)

Given the crop of GOP candidates, I’ve decided to toss my hat in the ring. That’s right, FOLLY FOR PREZ. At least with me you know what your getting. Here’s my qualifications:

1.  Over 35 as required by the Constitution.

2.  Born in the USA and I can prove it.

3.  Not beholden to any interest group as I don’t know any.

4.  Not beholden to any millionaires as I don’t know any.

5.  B.A. in History and a law degree. Although, there’s too many damn lawyers in Washington as it is.

Now for my platform.  If you vote for me I promise:

1. I won’t put up with bullshit from Russia, Syria, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela or any other country run by a tin pot dictator.  Folly’s foreign policy is: “If you don’t like what we do, fuck you.”

2. No more bailouts. The whole idea of business is taking a risk to make money. If you screw up and your company goes south, too bad. They still need fry cooks at McDonald’s and you obviously have no idea how to run a business. This goes triple for multimillion dollar CEOs of companies that can’t get their shit together.

3.  Less government intrusion. The federal government is there to protect us from foreign invasion. That’s pretty much it. I don’t need the feds to tell me about seatbelts, helmets, smoking, alcohol, or guns. I’m an adult. I damn sure don’t need a bunch of starched shirted old men to lecture me on abortion. To quote Whoopie Goldberg: “Motherfucker, when was the last time you were pregnant?”

4. Defense. We need MORE defense spending. Let’s build our military up so that we could, if necessary, kick the entire world’s ass all at the same time. A weak defense means every idiot on the planet is going to try and start some shit with the US.

5.  Welfare. Look, I’ve been down and out. I’ve even been on welfare. However, if your parents have lived in the same apartment at the same projects for 40 years and you live next door, you are a deadbeat. Get a job. Have some pride. Stop having 15 kids by 15 different mommas/baby daddies and contribute more to society than just another dependent.  Under the Folly Administration, ALL recipients of aid will be drug tested. Period. The taxpayers are  not paying your expenses so that  you can get high. And no, Virginia, drug selling is not a career option.

6.  Equal rights for ALL. And by ALL, I mean humans. I don’t mean Flipper and Willy. I don’t care if Bert and Ernie want to tie the knot. They have every right to as miserable and taxed to death as a heterosexual couple.  It’s not a threat to you or your church. You can go to church every Sunday and preach the evils of homosexuals to your heart’s content. However, there’s no place in society for backward ass bigotry so keep your hate mongering inside the altar.

7.  Education. Let’s face it, the education system in this country sucks ass. I would abolish the Department of Education and have each state run their own education systems.  The unions have done nothing but promote lazy, apathetic teachers at the expense of kids’ education.  I’ve seen it in every district my kids have been in. The only place where they learned anything was at a private Lutheran school. Bring back vo-tech in high schools. Sorry but not everyone is cut out for college. Schools need to teach the non-college bound kids a useful trade so that they can transition into society with a skill. At the 10th grade, those kids who obviously are not cut out for university should be automatically put into a training program.

I think that’s it for now. Anyone, write me in on your ballot and let’s get rid of the career politicians with pretty hair and empty promises.