The Praise of Folly

Senator Ben Nelson (D-Clueless) became the 60th vote for the Senate Health Care Bill after being promised loads of taxpayer money for crap in his state. Hey Ben, THANKS FOR SELLING OUT THE TAXPAYERS, you piece of crap. So now we will have shell out money for substandard health care when we can barely keep a roof over our heads.

I hope all you who voted for this garbage rot in hell.

Dear Kim:

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing  to wish you a Merry Christmas. Actually, do you celebrate Christmas? If not, then Happy Holidays.

Listen, I’m under some pressure over here by Congress to make sure you adhere to that whole nuclear disarmament deal we struck a while back. I hate to push but my butt’s already in a sling due to that whole economic debacle. I swear, it makes me wanna go Communist. Know what I’m sayin’?

So if we promise to give you some food or maybe some electronics, would you mind shutting down that nuclear program of yours? Not that I’m judging you or anything. Hell, everyone has the right to do what they want. However, the GOP is on the warpath about everything and I gotta give them something.

If I remember correctly, you had a thing for Madeline Albright, right? How about a date with her? We’ll pay for it, of course. Don’t do anything Tiger Woods wouldn’t do, hahahaha.

Just let me know if you want to get together and discuss this over lunch or something. I’ll be waiting for your call.

Love,

Barack

PS: Maybe we can throw in South Korea as well. Nothing better than a little reunification to put everyone in a good mood.

See that poor baby polar bear? According to Al Gore, he doesn’t have any ice to stand on ’cause of people. A former VP of the United States and another unearned Nobel Prize winner, Mr. Gore claimed during his speech that the Arctic Sea would be ice free in 5-7 years. Hence the photo above of the baby polar bear struggling in the water while his buddy is sitting on an ice cube drinking a bottle of Coke with his dad. Al Gore says that poor baby polar people will probably die ’cause of our carbon footprints.

Or so Al Gore and the rest of the global warming freaks want you to think. However, the fine people of The London Times are not nearly as enamored of Mr. Gore as the idiots in our country.

According to the Times:

Mr Gore, speaking at the Copenhagen climate change summit, stated the latest research showed that the Arctic could be completely ice-free in five years.

In his speech, Mr Gore told the conference: “These figures are fresh. Some of the models suggest to Dr [Wieslav] Maslowski that there is a 75 per cent chance that the entire north polar ice cap, during the summer months, could be completely ice-free within five to seven years.”

BUT…

However, the climatologist whose work Mr Gore was relying upon dropped the former Vice-President in the water with an icy blast.

“It’s unclear to me how this figure was arrived at,” Dr Maslowski said. “I would never try to estimate likelihood at anything as exact as this.”

Mr Gore’s office later admitted that the 75 per cent figure was one used by Dr Maslowksi as a “ballpark figure” several years ago in a conversation with Mr Gore.

Oops. Sucks to be Al Gore. However, at least the baby polar bear won’t die.

Remember those test questions that said:

box:square::circle:_______

The Democrats have come up with some interesting versions of those. According to Harry Reid:

health:slavery::GOP:The Confederacy

Barbara Boxer says:

abortion:women::viagra:men

Glad the Dems never wrote any of the test questions I took. I would have failed because I don’t see the comparisons they’re trying to make. Personally, I think these make more sense:

Obama:freedom::Hitler:peace-loving

Pelosi:intelligent::Joseph Merrick:handsome

Biden:honest::Rockefeller:poor

Just follow the works of the Nobel Prize winning, Internet inventing, poetry writing, global warming guru Al Gore’s model in the post below. Here’s my version.

A floating diaper appears
In the Walmart parking lot

Vapors rise as
The stench settles on an asphalt sea

Poop slides from the mountain
Trashy fathers leave it behind
A blinding sun rises in the East and sets in the West

Then Daddy is parched
Pabst Blue Ribbon is placed in the fridge
For the Nascar celebration

The mother cries
As the doctor has arrived
Here are your stools

I give you the poetic waxing of Al Gore. What this crap means is beyond me.

A floating continent disappears
In midnight sun

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea

Snow glides from the mountain
Ice fathers floods for a season
A hard rain comes quickly

Then dirt is parched
Kindling is placed in the forest
For the lightning’s celebration

The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools

I’m broke-ass broke trying to figure out how to pay for Christmas. But I’m trying to be positive. Here’s a little happy tune.

As every living creature, from myself to the penguins in Antarctica has heard, a couple of yahoos crashed the state dinner party last week. Personally, I think this is just a bunch of crap. Who the hell cares that some attention-whores rubbed elbows with Washington’s “finest.” I’d be more concerned if it were a couple of Taliban or something.

Now Congress is involved in this stupid event because, as we know, there are no other pressing issues facing our country except how a couple of wannabe stars managed to meet Obama. Just like when Congress felt the pressing need to investigate steroids in baseball and the cheating of the New England Patriots. Seriously, this is what we are paying them to do?

Come on Congress. Fix the damn economy and let this crap go. These two have had their 15 minutes of fame.

Nancy Pelosi spent $2,993 of tax payer money last quarter on flowers. That is now more than I make in a month. On flowers. I didn’t get any flowers from her. Speaking of which:

I’ve discovered I’m a deist. I’m sure that will upset my Christian brethren but oh, well. Here are the Deist Principles:

You shall honor and worship the Creator in a fashion that suits you

You shall treat others with dignity and respect and you shall insist that others respect your dignity as well

You shall live life pragmatically and use Reason as the cornerstone for all you think, say and do

You shall be honest and not lie, cheat or steal

You shall not harm another unless it is in defense of yourself or loved ones

You shall treat others as you want to be treated

You shall take responsibility for your actions

You shall have faith in yourself

You shall honor and be faithful to your Father, your Mother and your Loved ones

You shall learn from the mistakes that you will make

You shall find awe, inspiration and beauty in the creation and the natural order of the universe

You shall search for truth and be willing to accept new ideas based on reason as you are exposed to them.